5 reasons to stop worrying about his ex
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5 reasons to stop worrying about his ex
Should you be jealous of your boyfriend's ex? Absolutely not! Melissa Cook explores why worrying about his past relationships can only be destructive...
We are human beings and we all come with a past; some of us have more baggage than most but essentially, we all come with many a novel inside us.
When you enter into a new relationship with an individual, it is often too difficult to remember that before YOU, he lived and breathed, he had a life! Everyone has a past and the sooner you realise that, and that now you are part of your guy's present (and hopefully the future), your life will be far more peaceful and pleasant!
Here are five suggestions for you to stop worrying about the past and live for today – be present.
According to PracticalHappiness.com, you need to remember that your guy chose to be with you. It is obvious that you have qualities that he finds attractive and these are very possibly qualities that his ex did not have.
What a glorious feeling to know that he comes home to be with you. There is a vast world out there and this individual has deemed you to be the ‘one', the special person that they feel they can confide in and love, this is something to be cherished.
Everyone has a dating past! We are carnal, tactile beings. We love to love and be loved. We want to be needed, nurtured and cared for. It is so important that if your partner's past relationships are a concern for you, then you must have open, honest communication about it.
WikiHow.com advises that you speak to your partner, advise him about your fears and insecurities. You will both grow together if your relationship is based on truth and opening yourself up to how you really feel. More than likely you won't want to know the details, you won't like that your partner had a good relationship with his ex (for a while anyway) but the point is that he is no longer with that person. It is now for both of you to look towards the future, and concentrate on what you can both achieve.
If it is a case of your partner's ex being a parent or a work colleague, discuss how you feel. Don't brood and be sullen, rather talk, express your thoughts, come to a compromise. It is healthy to have this discussion, there is no point in pretending that nobody else existed in each other's lives! It is normal to be curious and intrigued about your boyfriend's past girlfriends, but you must accept that your relationship is unique and should not be compared to anyone else's.
Be open and honest in your relationship. All the time invested in your partner's past relationship will make you miserable and jealous, so rather enhance your own relationship and make it stronger.
Don't focus on the jealousy; rather focus on the strengths of your immediate relationship. Think about all the wonderful things you can do to enrich each other's lives and grow as a couple. The two of you are now exclusive and this must be worked at in a positive, healthy way. Indian mystic and spiritual thinker Osho says “Jealousy and love have become so mixed up. In fact, they are poles apart. A mind that can be jealous cannot be loving, and vice-versa: a mind that is loving cannot be jealous.”
You need to be confident and feel self worth. Nobody can make you feel this way except yourself. The more self confident you are, the more appealing you are.
By placing so much importance on your partner's ex you undermine yourself. Don't do this - don't make yourself seem insignificant. You must value yourself and the value you bring to a relationship. You are a unique individual and this must be celebrated.
The relationship you have with your partner now is personal, no one can ever experience it and this should be acknowledged. All you can do is be yourself and work to make your relationship the best that you can.
Jealousy is a very powerful, crippling emotion. If you spend most of your time obsessing over how things were in your partner's past - stop now! Look at what both of you have now. Jealousy will eventually tear your relationship apart and make you bitter, insecure, anxious and paranoid.
The person that you are with now, the guy that chose to be with you, will eventually tire of your issues and the fact that you can't let go of something that he once had but is now no longer. Stop expecting things to go awry. Stop worrying that maybe he will leave you, go back to his ex etc.
Stop expecting the worst through jealousy, and just nestle in the love that you share together. Have a sense of clarity and perspective, be forever present.
There will always be a happy memory with an ex but you and your partner can create even happier ones!

Author : Melissa Cook