Tech Can Be Tempting
The rise of social networking has made the temptation to keep tabs on people even more irresistible.
Foursquare.com, a new social media application, is cellphone-based and allows users to check into locations. "For those who aren't aware that they have a stalker, and therefore haven't changed their privacy settings, their location is broadcast to Facebook and Twitter for all to see," warns online communications specialist Rox Bradnick.
And "Places", a Facebook app, not only lets you check into locations, but allows friends who you're with to tag you too – so check your settings carefully unless you want the person you're avoiding to catch you off-guard.
"Info is easily available in today's digital age," says Bradnick. "If you consider how easy it is to track down old friends from school, you can see how simple it is for someone with a slightly obsessive interest to start following every last detail relating to their target," says Bradnick.
So what should you look out for, in yourself and others? Dr Rosa Bredekamp, a counselling psychologist with a special interest in forensics, says: "Stalkers tend to have weak social skills, are shy and often uncertain of themselves. And they don't see anything wrong with their behaviour." This is clear in Pumi's case. "Even though he lies to me, it's hard to leave him as we have a baby together," she says. "It's easier to just see what he's up to." And Lauren? "I am the obsessive type, but I tell myself it comes with the territory," she says.
Foursquare.com, a new social media application, is cellphone-based and allows users to check into locations. "For those who aren't aware that they have a stalker, and therefore haven't changed their privacy settings, their location is broadcast to Facebook and Twitter for all to see," warns online communications specialist Rox Bradnick.
And "Places", a Facebook app, not only lets you check into locations, but allows friends who you're with to tag you too – so check your settings carefully unless you want the person you're avoiding to catch you off-guard.
"Info is easily available in today's digital age," says Bradnick. "If you consider how easy it is to track down old friends from school, you can see how simple it is for someone with a slightly obsessive interest to start following every last detail relating to their target," says Bradnick.
So what should you look out for, in yourself and others? Dr Rosa Bredekamp, a counselling psychologist with a special interest in forensics, says: "Stalkers tend to have weak social skills, are shy and often uncertain of themselves. And they don't see anything wrong with their behaviour." This is clear in Pumi's case. "Even though he lies to me, it's hard to leave him as we have a baby together," she says. "It's easier to just see what he's up to." And Lauren? "I am the obsessive type, but I tell myself it comes with the territory," she says.
Crossing The Line
Pumi*, a 24-year-old student from Port Elizabeth, admits to keeping tabs on her boyfriend. In Pumi's defence, he's cheated on her in the past, which explains her behaviour, but it's far from ideal. "I regularly phone his friends to check if they are with him and who else is there," she says. "If I'm in a taxi and see his car, I'll get out to find him. I don't let him see me – I just want to know who he's with."
Pumi isn't alone. According to a study in the American Journal of Psychiatry, female "stalkers" outnumber their male counterparts by four to one. What's more, the majority of these women were motivated by the desire to establish intimacy with their victim, and 95 percent already knew the person they were pursuing.
In Lauren's* case, her boyfriend moved to Cape Town; things were going well until she did a Facebook search and found her guy had a secret account. "He never mentioned that he'd joined Facebook, so my intuition told me I needed to put my detective skills to the test," says the 22-year-old journalist. She hacked into his Facebook account and says now: "I wish I'd never tampered with his account. He had listed another woman as his girlfriend!"
According to the Protection from Harassment Bill, established in February to provide increased protection for victims and potential jail time for offenders, harassment includes "directly or indirectly engaging in conduct that causes harm or the reasonable belief that harm may be caused". This could be through email, persistent calls or even following or watching someone at home or work. All of which means that repeatedly changing your plans to ensure you end up at the same bar could land you in hot water.
Pumi isn't alone. According to a study in the American Journal of Psychiatry, female "stalkers" outnumber their male counterparts by four to one. What's more, the majority of these women were motivated by the desire to establish intimacy with their victim, and 95 percent already knew the person they were pursuing.
In Lauren's* case, her boyfriend moved to Cape Town; things were going well until she did a Facebook search and found her guy had a secret account. "He never mentioned that he'd joined Facebook, so my intuition told me I needed to put my detective skills to the test," says the 22-year-old journalist. She hacked into his Facebook account and says now: "I wish I'd never tampered with his account. He had listed another woman as his girlfriend!"
According to the Protection from Harassment Bill, established in February to provide increased protection for victims and potential jail time for offenders, harassment includes "directly or indirectly engaging in conduct that causes harm or the reasonable belief that harm may be caused". This could be through email, persistent calls or even following or watching someone at home or work. All of which means that repeatedly changing your plans to ensure you end up at the same bar could land you in hot water.
Tame Your Inner Stalker
Block him from your social media contacts. "This will prevent you from secretly tracking his every move – at least until you're able to resist the temptation," says Bradnick.
Get some outside perspective. If your behaviour is getting out of control (say, you drive past his office to see if he's really at that meeting), consult a professional. After all, you don't want to be branded a bunny boiler, or worse, get kitted out in an orange jumpsuit. It's not a good look for anyone – just ask Lindsay Lohan
Get some outside perspective. If your behaviour is getting out of control (say, you drive past his office to see if he's really at that meeting), consult a professional. After all, you don't want to be branded a bunny boiler, or worse, get kitted out in an orange jumpsuit. It's not a good look for anyone – just ask Lindsay Lohan
What Qualifies As Stalking?
We asked Men's Health readers what behaviour qualifies as stalking...
66% She drives past your house to see if you're home
20% She phones you continuously
6% She asks your friends for details about you
4% She checks your Facebook page often
4% She pitches up at your local haunt
We've all done it: you're surfing the net and click over to your crush's Facebook page to check out his holiday photos, or you ask a mutual friend whether he'll be at that weekend's party and plan your night accordingly. You might even change your route home from work to see if he's really in for the night, as his status said he would be. Is this behaviour really acceptable?
Womanshealthsa.co.za
66% She drives past your house to see if you're home
20% She phones you continuously
6% She asks your friends for details about you
4% She checks your Facebook page often
4% She pitches up at your local haunt
Could It Be You?
Womanshealthsa.co.za
I totally agree with this, i think anyone that cant let go should be shot. Had a stalker before, is not fun at all. These people should be put into a mental home and locked away, as they are a danger to all of us.
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